Sexual Performance Issues
Lots of guys experience sexual performance issues sometime in their lives.
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is means that you have trouble getting and/or staying hard during sex. The following factors can contribute to erection problems:
Recreational Drug Use
Medical Issues such as heart disease, diabetes, blood pressure issues
Some suggestions to try to help overcome ED:
Try a cockring to help you stay hard. Cockrings come in leather, rubber, and metal varieties. The rubber is the most flexible and easiest to use.
Talk to your medical provider about ED medication which may be helpful to alleviate your ED. The provider may also want to test your Testerone levels and give you a basic exam to rule out any medical reason for your ED.
Be patient and gentle with yourself. Find a partner that you can experience emotional intimacy so you feel safe to explore your sexuality. Some guys need the right sexual or romantic chemistry to feel a sexual connection.
Seek counseling if you feel you may need help with your stress and anxiety levels.
Seek substance use counseling if you are uncomfortable with the effect of your substance use on your life.
Premature Ejaculation is another way of saying that you generally cum quicker than you’d like when having sex.
Some guys like to go long and some guys like quickies. There is no “normal” amount of time sex should take. However, if would like to last longer, here are some general techniques and suggestions:
Understand Your Body’s Rhythm and Patterns
Understanding your own arousal and thought patterns can be helpful. Practice alone by masturbating. Get to know the sensations of your body to predict when you are getting ready to cum. Some common things to pay attention to are:
Depth and pace of your breath
Pace of your heartbeat
How much you clench your ass and other muscles
Practice different kinds of pressure and motions of masturbating to find which are most stimulating and which keep you feeling pleasure and still in control. Masturbate in different positions to see how they impact the amount of control you have. Play with the depth of your breath to see how it impacts your sensations and control.
Get to know the muscles in your body that control when you ejaculate. The same muscles that allow you to pee also impact when you cum. By stopping and starting your urine flow, you can strengthen these muscles and as important, simply get in touch with them.
If you are more of a top, practice fucking your hand or a fleshlight, to give your body the same sensations you may have during sex. If you are a bottom, first try practicing without touching your ass. Once you have gained confidence and possibly learned some technique, try fingering your ass or using a toy to penetrate yourself while you masturbate. The sensations are very different. If you are versatile, try masturbating and practicing in both positions.
Stop and Start
Masturbate until you are close to cumming. Then completely stop touching your dick for 30 seconds. Try playing with another part of your body (e.g. pinch your nipples or massage your perineum) to keep full body arousal going without focus on your dick. Keep repeating this for 3-5 cycles before allowing yourself to cum. This gives your body practice with controlling the length of time you can play before you cum.
Masturbate until you are close to cumming. Then squeeze the shaft directly below your cock head firmly for 3-5 seconds. Once you feel the urge to ejaculate is gone, start masturbating again and try this cycle a few times before ejaculating.
After you feel comfortable with either of these techniques, try them out with a buddy. You or your sex partner start masturbating your dick. Pay attention to how the sensations are different when another person is present. When you are getting close, try either technique and let your bud know what is going on. Make it fun by playing together and having each of you try out one the techniques.
Some guys find that by building intimacy with their sex partner(s), they can last longer before ejaculating. For some, this means verbally articulating their needs which may include telling the other guy what’s going on (e.g. “hold off, I’m too close”). For others, repeated encounters with the same guy(s) inherently builds intimacy. These guys may simply choose to stop the action and pause enough that his sex partner will get the clue of what he’s doing.
Open communication, during and after sex can help alleviate anxieties and make the experience more pleasurable.
There are condoms and sprays are advertised to reduce sensation. For some guys, reduced sensation means they last longer during sex.
Some guys may find that using medications such as Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis may help them last longer during sex. Although these medications are intended to help with erectile dysfunction, they can have the side effect of giving more intense and extra hard erections which can increase control.
Seek Medical or Mental Health Help
If you continue to have difficulty maintaining control, consider consulting with a medical provider to make sure there are no medical issues. Some guys also find that consulting with a mental health professional can help reduce anxiety. Reduction of anxiety can help increase the amount of control you feel during sex.
If you experience a sudden change of control over your ejaculation, try the techniques listed above. If these do not work, consider consulting with a medical provider. Some STDs or a urinary tract infection can impact a guy’s ability to control when he ejaculates.