The man who anally penetrates is commonly referred to as “the top.”
The term refers to person on top of the traditional missionary position. An incorrect assumption about “the top” is that he has to be dominant and has more power in the dynamic. However, both men, regardless of top or bottom during sex, can share equal power and pleasure. The mechanics of the sex do not have to dictate power dynamic.
Before beginning, we encourage men to consider using condoms to prevent STDs - and to make that decision together.
Key to a good top is his understanding of his partner’s needs. A new bottom may need more warming up and a slower process to feel comfortable before deep fucking. A more seasoned bottom may be ready to go more quickly. Tops are encouraged to communicate with the bottom to find out what he wants. Tops can relax a bottom through kissing, massage, verbal instructions, rimming, fingering, and fisting. Whether you are fingering or rimming, use circular strokes to relax his hole as you begin to open him up.
A top can arouse a bottom by massaging his prostate which can be found about 2-3 inches inside his ass and is about the size of a walnut. Fingering a bottom’s prostate can bring him immense please and may lead to him begging for your dick. With a bottom on his back, legs spread, a top can place a generously lubricated finger at the bottom’s ass and begin with circular motions to massage and then enter him. The top can explore the bottom’s hole as he tries to find a walnut sized bump inside. The top can curve his finger as though he is going to make a “come here” motion and begin to massage the prostate, which will relax and arouse the bottom. The top may notice that that the bottom opens his legs more and begins moaning with pleasure. These are good signs that a bottom is ready for the top to fuck him.
Once he is ready for you to fuck him, decide what position you two want to start with. The bottom may look to the top to decide positions. Start with a position that allows him to be relaxed and take your dick. For newer bottoms, this may mean doggie or him being on top; for more seasoned bottoms, any position will do.
The tops dick should be generously lubed and more lube put into the bottom’s ass. The top can place the tip of his dick right at the bottom’s hole as he slowly makes circular movements to put the tip of his dick inside the bottom. The bottom should be encouraged to ease his ass back on the top’s dick so he is active in the process of opening up. The couple should communicate with each other about how this feels and whether either needs a moment to take a breath. For some tops, the slow pace may bring a higher level of sensation which brings them too close to cumming. The best thing to do if this happens is for neither partner to move and both to take a few deep breaths. The top can begin to very slowly make circular movements as he pushes in deeper until he is all the way inside the bottom. This is a good time for the top to ask the bottom if he needs more lube. If so, the top can very slowly pull out an inch or two and apply some lube to his shaft, then slowing re enter.
The couple can determine how the rhythm will go; some let the top decide and others allow both partners to work together. The top can keep checking in verbally or looking at the bottom’s face for nonverbal cues to make sure he is enjoying the experience. Tops should always remember that the hole bringing them so much pleasure is attached to another person who deserves his own pleasure too. Some tops like to wait for a bottom to cum first or time their orgasms together. Once a top ejaculate, he should let the bottom know he will be pulling out and do so slowly.
Make it Safer
The top can wear a latex or polyisoprene condom to help prevent STDs including HIV.
If latex condoms are used, a water based or silicon lubricant should be used to prevent condom breakage.
Correct use of PrEP by HIV negative men can help prevent HIV.
A top should pee soon after fucking regardless of whether a condom was used. This cleans out his urethra and helps prevent STDs.